i can't keep on like this..

saying i'm happy when i'm not, saying i don't need anyone

i need love.
i need to know someone is there fore me
at the end of the day they will make everything ok.

i hate looking like this..no one is attracted to me.

it frustrates me

i need to escape, i need to find someone.

i need Love.

i need him.

you make me want to believe that everything will be ok

when i look in your eyes
i can see it
but i can't feel it
and i reach out.
but i can't touch you.
because when i look at you, i look at me
because when i look at you, i look in a mirror
my reflection
why can't i feel how you look
so selfless,so sure
so happy.

so everything i wish i could feel inside
its all plastered on the outside.
i'm a walking facade
happy and inviting on the outside, hollow and empty on the inside

save me

please

PSC post. i got no answer

This is a greet i got:: Quote:

What do you do? You hope. Hope will keep you grounded.

my response::

hope.pray.wish.smile.

im the one person who always says look on the brightside.
i can't even do that.
i get like this a lot.
and i never fully recover.

i mask my loneliness with fake smiles and cheer for other people. but i can't do it for myself.
and then i wonder why no one is ever there for me when i need them. because i always put up a wall.
i make everyone think everything is ok, and everything is just fine. so they can be happy so i can make them happy.

and i don't even know whats wrong with myself.
i put up a facade.

i honestly have no idea what to do anymore.

daddy's little girl( a prayer)

Dear God:
you see that man up there, thats my dad. That picture was taken just this past summer when we went to the Grand Canyon.
you threw us a curve ball on his birthday in august.thats when you put him in the hospital for the first time.
you know how that went

now you know how things are going.
i can't be angry with you, because i know you do everything for a reason.
but why?
why my dad?
please god, listen to me.
if you make sure he comes out alright, i'll be eternally grateful. you have no idea. this isn't his time, yet every dr's appointment i feel like we are being brought closer to the end.
god, if your plan is to take his life, please dont. take mine instead.
if i lose my dad what will i do? what will any of us do? he is the glue that holds out family together.
you can't take the glue away god. you just can't
if you help him god, i know he will gain faith.
or is this it, becuase my dad doesn't go to church and doesn't care for religion your doing this?
if it is, then thats pretty messed up god.

i've only had 18, going on 19 years with him. how much longer will i have?
god just grant me this one thing, and i will never ask for anything.

i love you daddy

without you.

i'm clumsy, messy and organized.
i'm lovable, hateable, and the nicest person you'll ever meet.
i'm not a barbie, i have meat on my bones.
i'm not going to chase after you.
i like to read,
books are my friends.
i'm more comfortable staying in my pajamas all day watching movies or some lame tv show than being out.
i don't need to be impressed all the time.
i'm imperfect, you'll love me for it or you'll hate me for it.

but i am the girl who'll:


wait for you until the sun comes up
make sure that your happy no matter what.
sympathize with you
laugh with you
make you cookies.
play videogames with you
lay under the stars in silence with you.
listen to you
answer yours calls and text messages at 4am even if i'm asleep.

even on your worst day, i'll make you happy like a child who wakes up on his birthday.


i'm not special, i'm not unique, but get to know me and i'll captivate you.

"I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love. "

Carrie Bradshaw said it best.
whats so wrong with wanting something more than a hook up?

im the girl who doesn't believe in hooking up. i want something more.
"True Love Waits"
i believe that, im saving it.
respect it please.

don't call me a prude because i wont give it up to you.

end of that rant.

today was the same as yesterday. except today i actually did my hair.


let me talk for one second, let me tell you the truth
my life is a play, your a character too.
you play the part of the romeo i need
and im the simple girl who fell to her knees.
you took my heart,
kept it at your side never once looking back,
just knowing that i'd survuve.
how could you be so blunt?
you thought wrong.
you are my heart.
and you were my soul
now all you left is this empty hole,
a void to fill with the next meaningless thing.
you broke my heart, but yet you kept it with you.
why do you hate me?
what did i do to you?
its the latest in your vegas show
. sixty dollars gets your through the door.
the host says "now look here, you'll see the heart of a sad girl who thought she was the world to a romeo who never gave a damn. lets laugh at her"
i was the flavor of the week, two scoops please.
please and thank you, it got you on your knees.
you beg and plead for me to stop,
but i wont.
this is my revenge,
this is what you deserve.
the bitter pill that you need to take,
in my hands i hold your fate.
with one swift move my hands will be bloodied
your body will be lifeless
and i'll be happy.

wake up little girl from your horrible dream,
your down on your knees and you heave at the drain
how can you dream such horrid things?
have you no morals?
are your thoughts unpure?
child go to sleep, tomorrow is a new day.
think of the sheep and the cats who play in the hay.
sleep my child sleep.
the sheep will guide your way.
wake up wake up. theres nothing there
they lied to you now.
your heart is broken once more.
kill me now please.
a cup of poison should do the trick.
theres nothing more fascinating than walking in a dead girls shoes.
now i know i don't have problems.

you've covered my eyes...

but im still peeking through your hands.
you try to shield me,
but as hard as you try i'll still look
because i want to feel it.

i need to feel it.
emotion.
the one thing you've only ever given to me
emotion.

don't cover my eyes.
i don't need you anymore.
my heart is stronger and your weaker
and your not for me anymore.

i wont be vulnerable, i wont be yours
i wont be your toy.

i know theres something more
something other than you.


what is it?